Most of my heart lives in Tucson with all the people I love and in all the places in which I made my home.

I live in the Bay Area now, and I’m even starting to enjoy and appreciate it, but I don’t know that I will ever feel about this place the way I do about Tucson. There might be more things to do here, more culture, more people, more fun to be had, but I would trade all of that to be back home.

I used to be at the center of things, and now, I hear about all the plans happening without me. I wish my feller could really get to know all my friends and their fellers. I wish he could have been there when we were all giving each other shit. I wish I could call my girls up for dinner and drinks and shopping and be a part of that noisy, raucous, hilarious group. I want Settlers of Catan nights and laughter and love and inappropriate touching (not under the shirt, gosh! I’m not a complete degenerate!). I want sex talk and completely inappropriate jokes and too loud swearing in public. I want barbeques and pools and maybe even slip n slides. I want someone to see bad movies, and sometimes good ones, with me. I want the people who know me. Know my history, know my jokes, know my humor, know my crazy.

My heart breaks a little every time I have to leave. And except for one person, if I thought I could escape God’s will, if I could make it into my will, I ABSOLUTELY would be back in Tucson (Hi! Just call me Jonah!).

In the weeks between my Boss asking me to move and actually doing it, I drove around the city sobbing for what I was losing, begging to stay. I knew this was a step God wanted me to take, this was part of his plan somehow, but I made sure he knew I DID. NOT. WANT. TO. GO. But I went, and in many ways, I’m so deliriously happy I did. So excited to branch out on my own and experience something new and different, even if all I want is the familiar. I love the people I wouldn’t know if I weren’t here. I’m excited to see where God takes me.

Even if it means leaving behind my heart.

(Also, I should maybe not go back to Tucson when I’m PMS’ing again, as it seems to only result in tears and melancholy.)