So I’m trying to save for a major trip, and I have to stay on top of all my regular bills as well, plus I need to eat sometimes, you know? And I had it ALLLLLLLLL figured out. I’d be getting PLENTY of money before taxes so that HOPEFULLY, the government would leave me with enough to put away $200 a week and comfortably pay my bills. And I PROBABLY could have ACTUALLY found out what the ACTUAL dollar amount I’d be netting would be, but I chose to be surprised. And boy was I ever.

The taxes taken out were SIGNIFICANTLY higher than I expected, and I panicked a little and tried to think of ANYTHING that could help me. And I realized that if I stopped paying my weekly tithe, I would have enough to get by. And my heart broke a little.

Now, I don’t know what y’all believe, and I don’t really give a shit, not in an “I don’t care about you” way but in a “believe whatever the fuck you want to believe” way, but for me? Giving my tithe MEANS something. It’s IMPORTANT to me, even if I’m not regularly attending church. I was THRILLED when I discovered that I could have my tithe automatically debited each week because it meant that I would be able to fulfill one of the basic tenets of my beliefs. Not to mention that I’ve seen in my own life the blessings and favor that come from tithing regularly, and even more selfishly, my tithes last year are why I only owe $52 for taxes instead of almost $400. So tithing really isn’t something I wanted to give up.

I wrestled with it all yesterday afternoon. I prayed for guidance. I cried. I had just about resigned myself to giving up my tithe because … well, I need to eat. Then I talked to my BFF, the one person I know really gets where I’m coming from on tithing, and she agreed with me; that something else should give before I stop tithing. I just didn’t know WHAT.

AND THEN. Relief came in pretty much the unlikeliest way possible. Well, maybe not unlikeliest, but certainly from a source I would have NEVER considered had it not been offered. I could practically hear God saying “This is what you were looking for. Take it.” And I am so BLESSED and SO humbled and SO grateful.

This is how I know God loves me.