Archives for posts with tag: Tucson

(I wrote this at 3 o’clock this afternoon while without internet.)

I’m currently sitting at gate 11(the best gate because it’s like three feet away from security; gate 32 is the worst) at the San Jose airport, which does NOT have free wi-fi, thankyouverymuch, sir sitting next to me, waiting for my flight to start boarding. I’m a little over an hour early for the flight, which is sort of cutting it a little close for my comfort, but thankfully there was NO ONE in line at security, which is good because I had to Opt Out because FUCK if I’m putting myself through a body scanner. NOT HAPPENING.

And my personal pat down was … sort of anticlimactic. I expected some sort of drama or surliness or perhaps just them finding my tiiiiiiiiny biltong knife on my keyring, because, OOPS, I was halfway to the light rail station before I remembered that I had it. But no. She was friendly, I was friendly. She complimented my hair and didn’t search my bags, and in less than a minute or two, I was on my way.

Anyways, I’m normally super anal about getting to the airport early, and would have been panicking and stressing at the prospect of only arriving an hour-ish before my flight, thanks to that one weekend where I missed four flights and was sort of scarred for life. I wanted to get here around 2 for my 4 pm flight, but I went to the gym after I got off work and just didn’t have enough time after that to shower and pack (what? I knew WHAT I was going to pack; I just hadn’t actually PACKED it yet) AND make the train that would get me here at 2.

Man, once my bags were packed, though, and I saw how freaking HEAVY they are, I considered just calling a cab and making it easy on myself. But I don’t have any cash, and I’m not actually sure how much money is in my bank account, and besides, taking the light rail and then the bus was FREE. Y’all know how much I like FREE. I’m pretty proud of myself managing to lug all my shit the 15 minutes to the light rail stop without crying or falling over, but a few minutes in, I did have the thought that perhaps I should have asked someone for a ride.

Oh well, I’m here now, and coming home, not only will Feller pick me up at the airport, my bags will be three pounds of coffee and two tins of tea lighter, not to mention all the knitted goods I plan on leaving in Tucson, which will also reduce my return load.

I’m leaving for Tucson Thursday evening, and I am SO SO SO excited. It’s just me going, and the week away from Feller will be pretty terrible, but I am so looking forward to uninterrupted time to visit and reconnect with my friends.

Am I in any way prepared for this trip? NOPE. I am pondering what I will pack, which means debating HOW MUCH I’ll pack. Like, Imma be gone for a week, maybe I should check a bag? But I don’t WANNNNNNNNA check a bag! But how much makeup and shoes can you fit into your carryon? I think it’ll just take some creative finagling of the “overhead compartment bag, under the seat bag and purse” rule. But, SERIOUSLY? You gonna make all your shit fit into what the flight attendants will allow you to carry onto the plane? Like, REALLY?

And that’s where I start downsizing the amount of makeup and shoes I would normally pack for a week long trip that involves going to church on Sunday, an occasion for which I like to dress up. I think Imma leave my heels at home this time. I will take two pairs of jeans, because, really? I’ll be gone a week; I need to at least PRETEND to wear more than one pair of pants ever. (Feller was SHOCKED and SCANDALIZED that I would pack three pairs of jeans for our six week trip to Cape Town and the UK. “But … you can just WASH them!”)

I might need to pack before I pack just to make sure I can actually fit everything I want into my various bags. Also, I should determine whether I can carry more stuff easily in my GIANT laptop traveling bag or if I should borrow Feller’s backpack. And what purse do I want to bring? The heavy one that holds a lot of stuff? Or the one that doesn’t weigh five pounds when empty?

And HOW THE HECK am I getting to the airport? My flight leaves at 4 pm, so Feller can’t take me because his job is PRETTY STRICT about 9-5, and fuck if I’m paying for my car to sit five minutes from our house for a week. I’m thinking bus, but again, HOW MUCH SHIT AM I TAKING?! Because lugging all that on public transit doesn’t sound fun to me. But I might be too cheap to take a cab. DILEMMAS.

Oh, and is my present for BFF’s baby shower ready? NOPE. I mean, I guess I have until Sunday afternoon, but let’s not wait until the LAST POSSIBLE second, shall we?

There’s just so much to do in the next few days, and I’d like to hit the gym before I go, hopefully for my 3 times a week goal, but that depends on when the TV delivery guys get here, I think. Sometime between 1-6. Wonderful. And guess who’s been fighting a cold the past three days and, thus, utterly useless for anything that isn’t NAPPING? ME. That would be me. Doesn’t my immune system know that I have BETTER things to do?

I guess now, while waiting for the TV, would be a good time to be productive.

So, quickly, check out my 2010 Book List! Eventually, I’ll get down to doing a Top Five of 2010, but it might be a couple of weeks. You know how I am about follow through.

ANYWAYS. The feller and I went home for Christmas and New Year’s. Well, my home. Arizona. We stayed a few days with my mom, until we decided that we needed some Grown Up Time and got a motel, which was AWESOME. OMG. Awesome. And then we were down in Tucson for about 5 days staying with my BFF and her hubby. And, fuck. It was SO NICE. We didn’t have a plan or an agenda or shit that we had to do. No wedding dress shopping or bridal showers or weddings or birthdays or preplanned bbq’s. All those things were fun, and I enjoyed doing them, but there’s something to be said for the freedom to chill and hang and do whatever you feel like doing.

We had dinner with friends and played with fireworks (they’re legal in AZ now!) (except bottle rockets; you still can’t have those) (how long before someone burns down his neighborhood, I wonder?) and made Christmas candy with Mariam and I got a new tattoo and we went shopping and drinking and just had a relaxing good time. It was EXACTLY what I was hoping for on this trip, and even though it wasn’t how my feller wanted to spend his Christmas break, he was wonderful and went along with everything I suggested.

The only bad thing is that I’m homesick like crazy now (though I suppose I will admit that the INTENSITY of my feelings are in part due to menstrual hormones). If I weren’t in a happy, loving and committed relationship, I’d pack up my stuff tomorrow and go home. And it’s not even that I don’t LIKE the Bay Area; I like it FINE, but it’s not my home. It’s not where my support system, all the people I love, is, and I just don’t know if I could ever feel about here the way I feel about there. Because it’s about more than just the people and relationships that I have there that I don’t have here; I LOVE Tucson. I love the desert and the mountains and the heat and the summer storms, and, I don’t know, I feel at home there. I have since the first day I moved down there. But for now, I just hope and pray that my path leads me home someday.

ANYWAYS. Tucson was awesome. Family was awesome. Friends were awesome. And everyone really liked the feller. All in all, it was a successful trip. And we came home to find our house-sitter was a secret cleaning freak (or maybe not so secret; I don’t know her life), and she left us a list of the things she had cleaned, which basically was ALL THE THINGS. NO JOKE, she DUSTED OUR CEILING, y’all. I don’t think I’ve EVER dusted a ceiling in my LIFE. AND she thought my kitties were adorable! Even Bandito, who’s kind of a shithead! So that was a pleasant surprise at 3 am when we got home.

So, good trip, good holidays and now it’s back to the same old same old for now. But I do believe change is a comin’ this year. I’m ready, I am.

It seems I always have a nostalgic post all geared up for when I get back from a trip to Tucson. Just being in that place with all those memories and all those people I love is such a positive experience that even some bullshit drama can’t derail the joy I have being home. And even though it was hot this weekend, so hot that a party at midnight left me with sweat dripping down my sides, I am a child of that heat, and I will never not enjoy the sun on my face and shoulders.

This weekend was all I could have hoped for, and even though it was hard to leave, as always, it didn’t break my heart to say goodbye to my bestest at the airport like it did the last time. We got some amazing quality time together, and some amazing memories were created. And while I wouldn’t trade laughing until I was crying while playing Things (I just do not understand why my friends expected me to have come up with all the dirty responses), or wondering why dudes were getting nekkid at the Meet Rack (as far as I could tell the answer was “Why not?”) or dishing about our relationships with my girlfriends, I was ready to come back to my new home and wake up next to my feller.

I think this is like growth or progress or some shit.

Most of my heart lives in Tucson with all the people I love and in all the places in which I made my home.

I live in the Bay Area now, and I’m even starting to enjoy and appreciate it, but I don’t know that I will ever feel about this place the way I do about Tucson. There might be more things to do here, more culture, more people, more fun to be had, but I would trade all of that to be back home.

I used to be at the center of things, and now, I hear about all the plans happening without me. I wish my feller could really get to know all my friends and their fellers. I wish he could have been there when we were all giving each other shit. I wish I could call my girls up for dinner and drinks and shopping and be a part of that noisy, raucous, hilarious group. I want Settlers of Catan nights and laughter and love and inappropriate touching (not under the shirt, gosh! I’m not a complete degenerate!). I want sex talk and completely inappropriate jokes and too loud swearing in public. I want barbeques and pools and maybe even slip n slides. I want someone to see bad movies, and sometimes good ones, with me. I want the people who know me. Know my history, know my jokes, know my humor, know my crazy.

My heart breaks a little every time I have to leave. And except for one person, if I thought I could escape God’s will, if I could make it into my will, I ABSOLUTELY would be back in Tucson (Hi! Just call me Jonah!).

In the weeks between my Boss asking me to move and actually doing it, I drove around the city sobbing for what I was losing, begging to stay. I knew this was a step God wanted me to take, this was part of his plan somehow, but I made sure he knew I DID. NOT. WANT. TO. GO. But I went, and in many ways, I’m so deliriously happy I did. So excited to branch out on my own and experience something new and different, even if all I want is the familiar. I love the people I wouldn’t know if I weren’t here. I’m excited to see where God takes me.

Even if it means leaving behind my heart.

(Also, I should maybe not go back to Tucson when I’m PMS’ing again, as it seems to only result in tears and melancholy.)