So it’s been almost five years since I last updated this thing, which jfc, is a long fucking time. And I probably wouldn’t be updating now (and I don’t know how often/if I’ll update again in the future) except that we’re currently in the middle of a fucking global pandemic, and as it turns out, I have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about it.

Especially because, in a feat of remarkably great timing, I am currently 32 weeks pregnant. And this is a new fucking virus, so no one knows really, how it affects pregnant women or newborns.

I feel really lucky in a lot of ways: I’m in my third trimester, so I can worry less about getting sick and passing along some crazy birth defects or something. I don’t currently have a newborn, right when the virus is supposed to hit its peak where I live. And I’m not (HOPEFULLY) about to give birth right when the virus is supposed to hit its peak.

This thing is likely to disrupt our lives in some way or another for the next year or more, but hopefully, by the time the baby is due in mid-May, we’ll be past the worst of it in the Bay Area. But it brings into question so many of my plans for having a newborn. As it currently stands, my mom probably won’t be able to come visit in June to help when our toddler’s daycare is closed for a week. We may or may not be able to go visit my husband’s family in South Africa in August or September. We won’t be able to introduce our new baby to any friends for awhile.

But at the same time, we’re already used to figuring it out on our own. We don’t have any family local to rely on for childcare, so we’re not having to scramble to find substitutes while we social distance. Our toddler’s daycare is small enough that it’s remaining open for the time being, and we’re able to self isolate, so even if he is exposed to the virus by another kid, we have very little chance of passing it along to anyone else.

In the long run, we’ll be fine. Our jobs are secure, we’re both working from home, so we don’t have to take many risks by interacting with people on a daily basis. We have a good safety net. But everything, the whole world, feels so uncertain and unsteady right now. A couple of weeks ago, before our county issued a Shelter in Place order, I was walking into work and had the distinct thought “What am I DOING bring a new person into this world?” It’s too late to do anything about it now, but it does feel like madness to be pregnant in this moment. I have to hope that we, as a family, as a community, as world, will come out the other side of this pandemic better in some way.