I haven’t really talked about Being More Awesome for awhile here, mostly because things have been going pretty great. I’ve been traveling and trying new things and learning to live with a partner and share equally and be completely transparent with him about many things for which transparency is really difficult for me, like money stuff.
Money stuff talk ALWAYS stresses me out and having to rely on Feller for money stuff REALLY REALLY REALLY stresses me out, but I’m learning to deal with that and react calmly when it comes. I’m learning to share all of my finances with him, and I’m not hiding NOTHING. If I’m gonna spend more than $5 on something, I let him know about it because I want him to know that it’s important to me to be completely 100% transparent with how I spend my money. Since most of what I make (all of what I make, if we’re being TOTALLY honest) should go to bills and other necessities, I like to make sure he knows I’m not spending money frivolously, so that “I spent too much money” will never be an argument we have (much like the “PUT AWAY YOUR FUCKING LAUNDRY” argument we never have).
ANYWAYS, one of the habits I’ve noticed myself getting into is saying frequently “I have no friends”, which might be true, but certainly isn’t the kind of attitude that helps me make new friends. I have lots of friends in Tucson, whom I love and who I could never ever replace, but that’s no reason not to make NEW friends here.
As I was doing my daily writing exercise (it involves a lot of babbling and things I would NEVER let another human being read) a few days ago, it hit me like a thunderbolt that continually living with the mentality of “I have no friends (because I’m a lonely sad loser)” is ACTUALLY NOT the way to make new friends! And I realized that I need to STOP putting that negative shit out in the universe are start espousing a more positive outlook. SURE, I don’t have many close friends here, location wise or level of trust wise, but that’s only because I haven’t MADE them yet!
And SERIOUSLY, since I realized that and changed my thinking, I’ve gone out with some girls from a store at which I’ve been covering shifts, and I made a Girl Date with one of the girls from my store. I’ve put myself out there to people I don’t really know that well, but who I might like to get to know better. And as lame as this sounds, I’ve made my intentions clear. I’ve ACTUALLY TOLD PEOPLE “I wanna be your friend” because really? I’ve spent enough time NOT having friends, thankyouverymuch.
In conclusion, I’m Being More Awesome.