SO. The Brother is here, and he’s NOT horrible! He’s actually quite pleasant! I haven’t really had much of a chance to hang out with him, thanks to work, jet lag, ski trip preparations and the ski trip itself. I am now looking forward to having him around the house a bit next week and getting to know Feller’s family.
SPEAKING of the ski trip, Feller’s gone all weekend. ALL WEEKEND. I can’t even tell you the last time I slept alone, but it’s been AT LEAST since October, if not before then. And I know that’s not really a long time, but it feels like it’s been ages. And Mandatory Relationship Cuddles make the time apart a little unbearable. I’ve gotten so used to falling asleep RIGHT NEXT to him that having the entire bed to myself is just bizarre. I slept in the very center of the bed last night in an attempt to take up as much space as possible, but there’s still a lot of bed left over.
AND now I’m faced with the dilemma of what in the HELL do I do with myself without him around? We’ve been dating less than a year, but I ALMOST can’t remember how I even kept myself entertained alone. What did I do with all that free time? I HAVE NO IDEA. I guess I’ll just watch a lot of Netflix? I suppose? It’s times like this I wish I were still getting three discs from Netflix; I’d have a whole Big Love marathon.
Really though, tomorrow I’m having myself a double feature matinee of movies I probably wouldn’t have been able to get Feller to see and going to a party with friends of ours in the city. Sunday, I’ll check out a new church (driving an hour into the city every week just WAS NOT happening), and maybe I’ll get crazy and do my taxes! Whoo! Party time! Excellent!
This weekend and next, when the boys will be going up to Tahoe again, are just practice for April. We’re going to South Africa together, but thanks to my job’s shitty vacation policy, I’ll be coming home two-three weeks before him. THAT’S gonna suck. And I cannot even begin to tell you how tempting it is to just quit and travel with him for a month. I’d find a job when I got back! No problem! SIGH. I hate reality.
Brought to you by Irrational Irritation to remind myself that not EVERYTHING is fucking annoying:
I picked up my bridesmaid dress. The color is lovely and looks great against my skin and with my newly dark hair. I need to get it taken in because I’m a tiny bit smaller than when I bought it mid-February
The ridiculously hot shoes I’m going to buy for the wedding: black close toed platform stilettos. I just need to find the perfect pair.
Sherlock Holmes (and possibly Terminator)
One of our crew members calling me Amy [His Last Name]. I love our guys.
Quiet day in the office (that could be due to my phone not working)
Going home in two weeks
My car passed emissions
Getting a bunch of overdue errands finished yesterday
Spinach & Goat Cheese frozen pizza from Target
My new camera should be waiting for me when I get home! (Unfortunately, I was a dumbass & didn’t order a memory card. GRR)
Knowing there’s a new tattoo in my soonish future; once I get a solid one, I don’t sit on tattoo ideas very long
30% off Urban Decay.com (Imma get me this (in Binge/Bourbon), this (in Stereophonic), and this (in Flipside). I also kind of want eyeshadow; my momma says the colors are awesome & intense.
This weekend I got to go home for bridesmaid dress shopping. It was pretty much the best possible weekend I could have. It was amazing. I just had such a great time hanging out with my friends and relaxing and laughing. Dress shopping started out a little rocky, but ended up being good. Saturday night was roller skating with Mariam and Liz, and WOW. So much fun. So difficult. So many teenagers better at roller skating than me! Which, considering I hadn’t been roller skating since middle school, isn’t that difficult. And you know what? Watching all those teenagers made me even more excited and more determined to be a Roller Derby Girl. It’ll be awesome. Sunday was chill, hanging with three of my favorite people playing Settlers of Catan. OH MY GOD. It was a shitty game, but we were laughing so hard we were crying.
Going back to CA this time around was the hardest it’s ever been. We spent some time this weekend talking about how long I plan on being here in the Bay Area (NOT A MINUTE LONGER THAN I HAVE TO) and where I want to end up (WHERE EVER PAM IS), and it’s all just made me realize just how much I want to go back HOME. I mean, I’m not sure that I’ll ever live in Tucson again, but I can’t stand being so far away from my friends. Honestly, if someone offered me a decent paying job in Tucson (or even in Phoenix), I would take it in a heartbeat.
I KNOW I’m supposed to be here. I KNOW that God has a plan for me here, that I’m here because HE WANTS me here, even if I don’t want to be here. And I’m trying to remember that whenever I feel discouraged and lonely and homesick, but it’s hard.
Hopefully, God willing, I’ll be done with my degree and have a job, A CAREER, and can move out of the Bay Area by next May. I know that’s barely a year from now, but it seems so far away, and I MISS MY HOME. And it’s become even harder to focus on work; I’ve been super discouraged and overwhelmed by life and school and LIFE, and I’ve been making stupid mistakes and just been redonkulously uber grumpy. Of course, this could also be explained by stupid PMS hormones.
But you know what? I’m doing pretty good in school right now. I’ve gotten A-‘s on both of the assignments my teacher’s graded in one class, which pretty much hasn’t happened before. This week will be rough; I have an assignment due tonight and one due on Friday. Anyone know anything about collaboration & partnerships in libraries?
So, I’ve thought a lot about what my boundaries for this blog are going to be and whether or not I’m willing to talk openly about sex/relationships/dating mishaps and my girly bits. Figuring out the sex thing can wait until I’m having it again. As for my girly bits? Well, apparently, fair game. So, um, disclaimer? This could get graphic and perhaps a little uncomfortable, and I’ll apologize now for anyone who gets unpleasant images in their heads.
A couple weekends ago, I went to a Passion Party, and ordered a few new things: a toy and a variety of lubes.
FedEx came on Thursday but didn’t leave my box of goodies, which is probably good since I did have to work the next morning. So I signed the waiver on the doortag and went through my Friday at work knowing good times were in store. It was the longest day ever.
I already own the pretty typical dick shaped vibrator, which I love. Nothing beats actually having a sexy MAN in bed with me, but when no man is to be had, masturbation is pretty great. In fact there was a brief period of time when I couldn’t fall asleep without masturbating. I’m glad that time has passed. I don’t use my vibrator very often (I prefer to get very HANDS ON), but it’s waterproof, and I love being able to use it in the bathtub.
I got home Friday afternoon and TORE open the packaging, tossed my pants aside and GOT DOWN TO BUSINESS. I started out on the couch in the living room (um…I’ll wash my futon cover before anyone comes over) and eventually moved into my bedroom. Now, I’m not the kind of person who worries too much about the ATMOSPHERE. I don’t need sex lights or candles or silky scarves or sex music. I like having sex with the lights on (though there are some images in my head that I wish I had had the foresight to turn off the lights to avoid), and I have masturbated with my cats on the bed. I DON’T CARE. This night, however, I could hear my neighbors talking next door, and a mostly naked Emma Frost was staring at me from my Women of Marvel calendar. I had to turn on some music and turn off the lights. It was just too weird. SHE WAS STARING AT ME, OKAY? WITH A BOW AND ARROW IN HER HANDS. IT WAS TOO MUCH PRESSURE. But it was fun.
Now, I need an adventurous man.