Archives for posts with tag: I NEED MOAR BOOZE

The Brother has returned home or possibly he is returning home today or something. At any rate, he is gone, and there’s something so … refreshing and relaxing about the time right after a guest leaves or you return from a vacation when you’re getting back into your usual routine and cleaning up from all the fun you had. Also, the clean up process is kind of eye opening. It’s always like “WHAT? What just happened here?! HOW IS IT THIS MESSY?!” Like yesterday when I was doing the dishes from the weekend. Actually, no, they were just the dishes from Sunday because I ALSO did dishes Sunday morning before breakfast. And HOLY CRAP. We only had ONE extra person in the house! How did we use enough dishes for ten?! And I’m exaggerating, obviously, but ONLY A LITTLE. Sunday morning I washed AT LEAST four coffee cups, only one of which I used, and which was then immediately dirtied again in the name of omelets, and yesterday? I washed SIX MORE. SIX. How do you even use SIX coffee cups in 24 hours?! And I’m not counting any mugs I may or may not have used for ice cream and/or wine. AHEM.

And OH THE BEER. Feller and I finished off the last of 54 bottles of beer last night. FIFTY FOUR BOTTLES OF BEER. Between three people! And OKAY FINE, to be fair, Feller and I did most of the drinking. Work’s been stressful, yo! And REALLY, that’s not THAT much beer over three evenings. Not even CLOSE to what I used to drink on a fairly regular basis. Like that one time my heart was completely SHATTERED, and I drank a 12 pack then went out and had a few gin and tonics. That was fun. By which I mean HORRIBLE. That was one of the worst hangovers I’ve EVER had, and I had to work with the breaker of my heart the next day, AND he had the audacity to LAUGH at my misery. I was *this close* to shanking the bitch. Also, and I am only SORT OF ashamed to admit this, but I just did a quick Facebook stalk, and he is married to the girl he chose instead of me, so, you know, good for him! BUT I’m in the hotter couple. I won THAT breakup!


I really don’t get into San Francisco very often, despite living a 45 minute drive from the city. To be fair, a 45 minute drive is halfway to Phoenix in my mind, so it’s VERY DIFFICULT to convince myself to spend that much time traveling. Add in parking and other nonsense, and I just…no. Not to mention the fact that it’s ALWAYS COLD THERE WTF. But this past weekend, the feller had two birthday parties just a couple of miles apart (one a brunch and one an evening bar thing), and as it turned out, there was a Tweetup I wanted to attend hosted by two of my favorite bloggers, Nicole and Jamie, so we had a full day planned. And it was every bit as awesome as I wanted it to be.

The breakfast brunch was amazing; that group of the feller’s friends are fun and welcoming. There was good food and champagne for breakfast and holy crap, do you know how delicious Martinelli’s Prickly Passion Lemonade is? And even though it’s 120 calories for 10 ounces, and I try to avoid drinking juice because of all the sugar and such, I probably BARELY had 10 ounces of the stuff because my drinks were more like champagne with a splash of juice for color. Not that champagne is any better for me. And so it was 2 pm, and I had a nice buzz going and some good chats with awesome ladies, and the feller and I BOTH managed to pass out during the festivities. Though I, at least, had the decency to wait until the party was essentially over before snagging a quick nap. What? We’re not used to being up at 11 AM and not being able to nap on the weekends.

And then coffee and the Tweetup. Part of me was kind of nervous because what if in real life Nicole was all loud and attention-whorey and I ended up hating her because I’M kind of loud and attention-whorey and having another person like that around exhausts and frustrates me and then I wouldn’t be able to ever read her blog again because it would just remind me that she’s totally not that great in real life and then I would be a sad panda. BUT! She was awesome, though I didn’t really get a chance to talk to her or Jamie due to the noisy bar, the biggest round table I’ve ever seen and the next birthday event starting an hour-ish after the Tweetup. I look forward to hanging with these ladies again sometime.

I love LOVE LOVE my lazy weekends at home when I don’t have to do anything but sleep and sit on the couch watching bad but oh so entertaining television, and I’m so glad we had no Sunday plans, but Saturdays like this one are refreshing.

I was a party Saturday night with a bunch of cool computer people. Unfortunately, that uncomfortable time at the beginning of every party led them all to shop talk. As I am most definitely NOT a computer person, I was completely out of the loop in a place where I knew all of two people, both of whom are ALSO computer people involved in computer talk. Everyone might as well have been speaking like freaking Russian or some shit. I don’t even know enough about whatever the hell they were talking about to ask questions. Awesome. Soooo….I’ll just stand here and look cute, then. Got it.

I HATE being that really awkward person no one knows who doesn’t bother to join in the conversations. That’s boring as fuck and SO not me. Also, I like being the center of attention, so being relegated to the sidelines irks. But because I’m awesome, I just work that much harder at (sometimes awkwardly) shoving myself into a conversation. It could have been worse, I suppose; a few people took pity on my awkwardness and changed the conversation.

Thank God once we all had a couple of drinks, the conversation turned to blow jobs and semen recipes, and I was able to properly exhibit just exactly how great I really am.

But I hereby swear by all the things I hold dear that never again will I engage in sorority talk around people who don’t know jack about it.

Also, WTF, my Meetup group just dumped me.

(This post brought to you by the word AWKWARD.)