I first discovered the Refreshments and Roger Clyne when I was cocktail waitress, and we had Fizzy Fuzzy Big and Buzzy on the jukebox. It was one of the few albums that didn’t annoy the crap out of one of our cranky (but hilarious) regulars, so I started picking random songs to play off it when I’d make my song selections. Somewhere along the way “Don’t Wanna Know” became my favorite pick.
One day it was playing, and my manager made the comment that he didn’t fully understand the song until he was 25, and it was another couple of years before I knew what he meant. I’ve gone through periods of really identifying with this song and periods of complete satisfaction with where my life was headed, and right now? I could listen to this song all day and know that it’s talking about me.
I wonder where I’ll be in a year
Probably be sittin right here
But if you know the answer
Don’t tell me anyone
I don’t wanna know
I love my life, or at least the parts don’t involve work or school, which unfortunately, take up most of my time and all of my worries/stress. I have a friend who said that she’s simultaneously bored by her 20’s and worried that she’s missing out on doing awesome stuff, which is pretty much EXACTLY how I feel. I wish I could spend this time when I’m single and childless doing the kinds of things that I’m not going to be able to do when kids and a husband are in the picture. I want to travel. I want to go to Greece SO BAD it hurts.
And lately I’ve been thinking about school a lot. How worthwhile is something that makes me so miserable? And as I worry about failing out, part of me would be TOTALLY RELIEVED to not deal with it anymore, at least not for awhile. But then the practical part of me kicks the other part of me in the butt, and we remind ourselves that one more year of school ISN’T that bad, my last semester will be an easy one, I’m almost done with my prereqs so fun classes are coming, it will get me out of the current job (because I can’t survive in the manner to which I have become accustomed waiting tables), and, oh yeah, I already owe BUTT LOADS of money in school loans. It would be ridiculous NOT to just finish it up. Not to bust my butt and do better. SIGH.
And I hate that I have to choose between school and everything else. When I get home from work, it ALWAYS comes down to “Okay, well, I can do homework right now or I can do anything else.” Running, hanging out with friends, going to church, cleaning, SLEEPING, anything. It ALL conflicts with school. I DO. NOT. know how people who have full times jobs and KIDS do this.
I just feel so STUCK at a time in my life when I really shouldn’t.