Archives for posts with tag: God loves me

So I’m trying to save for a major trip, and I have to stay on top of all my regular bills as well, plus I need to eat sometimes, you know? And I had it ALLLLLLLLL figured out. I’d be getting PLENTY of money before taxes so that HOPEFULLY, the government would leave me with enough to put away $200 a week and comfortably pay my bills. And I PROBABLY could have ACTUALLY found out what the ACTUAL dollar amount I’d be netting would be, but I chose to be surprised. And boy was I ever.

The taxes taken out were SIGNIFICANTLY higher than I expected, and I panicked a little and tried to think of ANYTHING that could help me. And I realized that if I stopped paying my weekly tithe, I would have enough to get by. And my heart broke a little.

Now, I don’t know what y’all believe, and I don’t really give a shit, not in an “I don’t care about you” way but in a “believe whatever the fuck you want to believe” way, but for me? Giving my tithe MEANS something. It’s IMPORTANT to me, even if I’m not regularly attending church. I was THRILLED when I discovered that I could have my tithe automatically debited each week because it meant that I would be able to fulfill one of the basic tenets of my beliefs. Not to mention that I’ve seen in my own life the blessings and favor that come from tithing regularly, and even more selfishly, my tithes last year are why I only owe $52 for taxes instead of almost $400. So tithing really isn’t something I wanted to give up.

I wrestled with it all yesterday afternoon. I prayed for guidance. I cried. I had just about resigned myself to giving up my tithe because … well, I need to eat. Then I talked to my BFF, the one person I know really gets where I’m coming from on tithing, and she agreed with me; that something else should give before I stop tithing. I just didn’t know WHAT.

AND THEN. Relief came in pretty much the unlikeliest way possible. Well, maybe not unlikeliest, but certainly from a source I would have NEVER considered had it not been offered. I could practically hear God saying “This is what you were looking for. Take it.” And I am so BLESSED and SO humbled and SO grateful.

This is how I know God loves me.


After previously hating on Reality for being a stone cold bitch, I spent Friday afternoon wigging out about work shit and talking to three of my best lady friends and discovered, thanks a new work schedule, with a little bit of effort, I WILL be able to take the extra time to keep traveling with my Feller! I haven’t really figured the post vacation work situation out yet, but I don’t much care about that. I’ll need to save the money from my extra hours of work, and I’ll be set for bills during that traveling time, plus my regular savings plan should give me a decent amount for the actual vacation.

I cannot even adequately express how happy this makes me. I was really REALLY not looking forward to coming home alone, trying to convince myself to go back to work alone, spending three weeks ALONE. I’m not usually all needy and codependent, but I have definitely come to rely on Feller’s support and cuddles, and I am relieved to not have to go an extended period of time without him.

Not to mention four weeks in South Africa, and potentially two weeks in the UK is going to be freaking ridiculous. South Africa is going to be so relaxing and fun. We’ll both be on vacation and hanging out with his family doing … stuff. I don’t even know what! Diving and hiking and wine tours and the zoo! And more! I don’t know! Fun stuff! Yay vacation!! The Feller will be working while we’re in the UK, so it’ll just be me wandering around England! Doing things! I don’t know what! People watching! That might be it! I won’t have much money! Exclamation points!

I’ve kind of always wanted to take one of those vacations where you don’t have any plans and you just wander around by yourself and enjoy the city life and people and everything. And now I can do that without worrying about kidnappings and being secretly murdered because people will be expecting me home at night! I won’t be able to disappear and have weeks pass before someone thinks that it’s odd I haven’t turned up! I have images of coffee shops and drinking tea and possibly scones and eating at cheap little deli’s and window shopping and hanging out in parks and shit. I don’t even know! You know what touristy thing I really wanna do? The Tower of London. Somehow my G’ma and I managed not to go there when we spent a week in London, and it’s the one thing I really wish we could have done. OO, maybe I can take my AMAZING Doc Marten’s in to get resoled? Did i give those away in the move? HMM, MUST INVESTIGATE.

So the point of all this: SUCK IT, REALITY.

I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about money and spending and ways to save. Between the Hawaii trip, student loan payments that are going to kick in soon, a possible rent increase when my lease is up on October, and now possibly a flight to South Africa in March? I really need to look hard at how I spend money and where I can cut back. Part of this is making a budget and actually sticking to it, which involves me pulling the cash out of the bank for my grocery and gas (which is cheaper when you pay in cash anyways!) so that I know exactly how much I have and how much I can spend, and I think more about what I actually NEED to get through the week.

My best friend and our moms are doing a read along of Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover, but I’m totally slacking about it OF COURSE. But like Pam has said, “the print is large and it’s going to help get my finances in order”, help me learn to relate to money in a different way, and I’ve read a few blogs about how this book helped revitalize people’s finances, including one woman who lived super frugally and was able to save the cash to buy a house in a couple of years on one salary! A WHOLE HOUSE while making (probably) less than $50K a year. I don’t really want to go as extreme as living on rice & beans and never going out with friends or doing anything fun, nor do I want to give up Netflix, but I can find ways to be more frugal and get rid of debt and save money. I don’t want to be paying for school loans for the next 30 years.

Today, I read a post at Get Rich Slowly which linked to a NY Times article about money and happiness. It talks about how buying stuff doesn’t make people as happy as they think it might, and they link to a woman who pared down her belongings to 100 items and now lives in a 400 sq ft apartment with her husband. Again, I don’t really want to go that drastic, but I have SO MUCH stuff I can get rid of: my bookshelves are full of books I’ll likely never read, my closest is full of clothes and shoes I don’t wear, my underwear drawer is practically overflowing! Who needs that much underwear?! Not that I’m planning on giving my underroos to Goodwill, but I DEFINITELY need to cut back.

That article also suggests buying “experiences” rather than stuff and thinking and waiting and creating antici….pation before purchasing anything to increase it’s happy making qualities, and I was glad to know that I’m already doing this to a degree. My trip to Hawaii is going to be full of experiences: scuba diving all over, snorkeling, hanging out with a good friend, eating amazing food and having a really wonderful relaxing vacation with my feller. I’m hoping to keep extra spending as low as possible while we’re there, but I know I will want to bring home souvenirs (MMMM KONA COFFEE), but I also know that, for the most part, my memories and the pictures we take will end up being what I enjoy having the most. As for creating anticipation, I feel like I’ve been waiting FOREVER to get my Hobbit Feet. I’ve set aside money for them every week to save up, and I think having that slow build before I finally get them (tomorrow, hopefully!!) is going to allow me to enjoy them even more, especially since I’m able to buy them free and clear and not have to feel guilty about about putting another charge on my credit card.

Unfortunately, a lot of things live in the “someday, eventually” category, like “when I get my Christmas bonus, I’ll…” or “when I (hopefully!) get a tax refund…” or “When I’m splitting rent, I can save SO MUCH MONEY”, and it’ll be great when all those things happen, but until they do, I’ve got to focus on frugality and saving dollars wherever I can. I’ll just keep on keepin’ on, and trust God that he’ll provide like he’s always done, even when it seems like there’s NO WAY.

At home libraries encourage literacy. This means my kids’ll be SET; my home library is a little insane.

I love this post about the Crazy Place girls go to over stupid shit. I also really like the entire Stratejoy. I haven’t had much chance to explore, but I can get behind place that’s all about being uplifting and encouraging and getting me the heck through life.

Hey look! Cleolinda wrote Clash of the Titans in 15 Minutes! And it’s HILARIOUS! I will call him Badass…THE DESTROYER

Look! Malinda Lo, author of Ash is going to be doing a signing in San Francisco Saturday! This time FOR REALS, I’m going and getting my copy of Ash signed.

I am a dumbass, let me show you. I’m flying home next weekend. My flight leaves in SEVEN DAYS. I am verily excited. One of my friends asked me yesterday what my itinerary is, when I’m getting in, when I’m leaving, the usual. I’m all “Oh sometime Thursday night, let me look!” And I looked and I looked and I LOOKED EVERYWHERE BUT NO PLANE TICKET WAS TO BE FOUND. FOR MY TRIP IN SEVEN DAYS. THAT MY WORK WAS SUPPOSED TO PAY FOR. Thankfully, the ticket I booked, after applying some leftover credit, ended up being the same as my ticket for the wedding the week after that I booked three months ago, so my manager was cool paying for it. Thank God I checked yesterday instead of waiting until the night before or the morning of to print my boarding pass. THIS IS HOW I KNOW GOD LOVES ME.

My music library is in SEVERE need of more Dolly Parton.

The feller made me dinner the other day (have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE people who feed me? LOVE THEM. My bff & her fiance fed me about once a week for awhile, and it’s possible that the only reason I still speak to my dad is because he was the maker of food growing up (that’s not the ONLY reason, gosh). At any rate, the surest way to build up my good will for you is to provide me with food; I’m easy like that and not ashamed to admit it), and I feel inspired. Not quite enough to actually, you know, COOK regularly, but my (VERY DEEPLY BURIED) culinary interest was piqued. The meal, while a little time consuming, was EASY and delicious, and I feel confident that I could recreate some approximation of it. Maybe Sunday night, I’ll do some cooking.

And APPARENTLY, you can make cinnamon rolls out of Amish Friendship Bread dough. Did you know that? I DIDN’T but it sounds DELICIOUS, and Imma try it this weekend.

ETA: Oh yeah, here’s a funny blog post about grammar/spelling mistakes: I care about this alot

From the same blog, here’s a post about procrastination! *headdesk*

And look at the SEXY SEXY shoes I’m gonna buy for the wedding. I want to make love to them.

ETA 2: OMG I WANT THAT. And HEY! 15% off everything at Sephora. MWHAHAHAHA

I am SO THANKFUL for my job. I work for a great company, for an amazing Godly man who cares about the people who work for him, but I am not cut out to be in an office all day every day forever and ever amen. I can’t do it. I like being around people and moving around and having something different going on all the time. That’s why I did so well in all the service industry jobs I’ve had over the years. Also, there’s just no good gossip in this office! As annoying as it is having people all up my business all the time, it’s fun to hear everyone else’s drama! (Though I was informed today that one of our (cute!) guys may have a little crush on me, and when I pointed out that I don’t date guys I work with (it always ends in tears), I was told he could quit.)

At any rate, I KNOW I am not meant to be working in an office for the rest of my life. It’s not the Dream God put on my heart. Part of the Dream for my Life involves being in a library working with kids and teens. I am PASSIONATE about literacy and reading and getting good books into the hands of youth. Every time I walk into a library and see everything going on, I know THAT’S where I’m meant to be.

You know what’s going to get my out of this office and into my Dream? SCHOOL. You know what I hate MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD? EFFING SCHOOL.

I like learning stuff. I like (most) of what’s being taught, and I know it’s going to be useful in my future, but damned if I can’t get myself to do the dang homework! So now I’ve got a couple of weeks left in the semester and a bunch of stuff to catch up on. I’m gonna bust my butt and trust God that it’s not too late.