This song is how I managed to get laid so often in college. Not so much because I had a beer gut (or gut of any variety, really), but because I ROCKED the SHIT out of it.

It’s all about confidence, baby. People know when you’re insecure and unsure of yourself, and no one you want to date finds that attractive. I have a ritual for getting ready for a Night Out that involves loud ass music – sometimes country, sometimes dance, just whatever’s speaking to my soul at that moment, but it is almost always upbeat and great for getting myself into the Mood – dancing around in my panties as I put makeup on. And with every step of makeup application a little more armor, more confidence, goes on, until, at the very end, when I’ve stepped into my ridiculous heels for the evening and put my big flashy earrings on, I KNOW that I’m Hot Shit. I KNOW that men will fall all over themselves to be around me. I KNOW that I’m making out with some Hottie McHothot before the night is over. Even if I felt like death before, even if I’m completely nervous and scared of stepping out someplace new, by the time my ritual is complete, I am ROCKING IT. And even if I’m still unsure of myself? If I’m chatting up someone way hotter than I ever expected to? Fake it til you make it, baby. Slap a smile on your face and put some wiggle in your walk and fucking PRETEND like you know you’re better than everyone else.

That’s how I snagged multiple men who prefer their women thinner than I ever WANT to be. One guy? I was the only girl he’d ever been with who had big tits, and I was the one to end things with him. He couldn’t get enough.

And look, this isn’t to say that if you’re a shy, stay at home, nerdy girl you need to go out and tart yourself up, but, biatch, you gotta OWN who you are. Be CONFIDENT in your nerdiness! WORK your shyness, or whatever the fuck you are! KNOW that you FUCKING ROCK, and any douchebag who doesn’t recognize that doesn’t deserve your time or attention.